so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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