Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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