Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

is your mom at the bar?

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(530): View more from California

Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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(770): View more from Georgia

also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

(1-970): View more from Colorado

People still let you watch their kids?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.

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(510): View more from California

I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.

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