I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here