is your mom at the bar?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
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i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.