Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(219): View more from Indiana

my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus

(317): View more from Indiana

and who said we didn't have goals?

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(219): my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus (317): and who said we didn't have goals? http://tfl.nu/piod

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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(484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1

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(954): View more from Florida

you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.

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(954): you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid. http://tfl.nu/mqq2

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(256): View more from Alabama

i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

dude how high are you right now?

(256): View more from Alabama

do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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(256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

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(931): Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame. http://tfl.nu/0khd

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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2

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(804): View more from Virginia

I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...

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(804): I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working... http://tfl.nu/tuy1

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(503): View more from Oregon

I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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(503): I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job. http://tfl.nu/hof0

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.

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(270): I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles. http://tfl.nu/5ga0

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart

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(484): judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart http://tfl.nu/l5ge

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...

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(763): My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home... http://tfl.nu/n3b5

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(+49): View more from Germany

I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka

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(+49): I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka http://tfl.nu/jrp7

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(303): View more from Colorado

She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.

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(303): She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/lf23

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(406): View more from Montana

Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.

(1-406): View more from Montana

Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.

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(406): Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever. (1-406): Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible. http://tfl.nu/2r6p

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll be there in a few.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'M COUNTING TO FEW.

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(814): I'll be there in a few. (717): I'M COUNTING TO FEW. http://tfl.nu/nvfq

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