So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE