so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same