I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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