You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
