The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
