i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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