i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
