So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
