If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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