They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
