you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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