Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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