yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
