Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
