Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
