i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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