I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
