sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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