they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
