false alarm. still invincible.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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