you guys were way drunker than both of me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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