found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
