There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
