My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like abortions should bother me more
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
