before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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