He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
