I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
