got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
