I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
