I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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