I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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