I just threw up on my dentist
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
