Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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