Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
