I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
