2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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