We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
