dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
