Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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