She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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