my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
