I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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