so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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