So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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