whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
