Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
