tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
