she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
