I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
