shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
