Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
