I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
