finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
