Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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