I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
