i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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