My first STD was from a foam party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
