You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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