I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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