I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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