I can text with my tongue
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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