i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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