apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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