Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
