Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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