what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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