I want to have your abortion
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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