He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if only i could text you this smell
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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