Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
